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I was doing a great job of listening to my daughter (or so I thought). Then, I lost focus and added my own stuff into the conversation.

Without realizing it, I started to have the wrong conversation.

Every conversation falls into one of three categories:

  • Helped. They want a solution

  • Hugged. They want support

  • Heard. They want to be understood

My son often wants a hug. My wife and daughter want to be heard. My clients want helped.

But, not always! I get these wrong and mixed up all the time.

I need to listen intently and decipher where they are, what is it that they are sharing, and what do they want out of the situation.

So, I often ask the question: What type of conversation do you want to have?

Helped. Are they really looking for a solution? Do they want to come up with the solution on their own?

Hugged. Are they really looking for support, or are they wanting to vent, complain, deflect?

Heard. Are they wanting to talk about who they are and where they are with people, places, or things?

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